In 6 days time, it will be 1 year ago that I birthed my first not so little blessing Alfie… 1 year ago…wowzez. Some days, kissing his precious lips for the first time feels like yesterday, and other days, it feels a lifetime ago.
Either way, I would do anything to put a hold on time.. Anything to freeze these incredible feelings that your baby gives you and anything to capture every second of every day so I can remember, and never forget the joys (and I guess the worries/lows) that the first year of motherhood brings. It is actually pretty hard to sum up the first year of motherhood, but it goes something like this…
Utter joy (that you have created something so ridiculously amazing), disbelief (that you have created something so ridiculously amazing), overwhelming stream of emotions (that you have created something so ridiculously amazing), happiness, tiredness (gee that bastard hits you like a ton of bricks, added with an extra 5 ton on top), uncertainty (how the eff does everyone parent so easily? Maybe I don’t have enough milk? Shit, did we have kids too soon? Why won’t he stop crying? Why won’t he sleep? And why the hell is his poo hard today and yesterday it was soft?), elation (the best of feelings), endless laughter (who would have thought a 9kg 11 month old can belch like a champion nor find peek a boo so hysterical?) and best of all love, love and more love.
Seriously.. these babies do something to your hearts, soul and minds that nobody else can do. From the moment you conceive your baby, if anything in this world dare harm them, you would give yourself a million times over to protect them. Like that time you get that massive desire to snatch your crying baby off your visitor in order to pacify them, or that time that lady at the café sneezing next to you has that tiny chance of infecting them or that time they have the worlds worst belly ache they stiffen themselves like a surfboard until a poo explosion occurs, yes that time….we all know that time… and yes there is a real thing called “Over protective mother here, I will punch you if you dare criticise me” otherwise know as O.P.M.H.I.W.P.Y.I.Y.D.C.M. This is also known as “Welcome to motherhood.”
These 12 months have realistically, flown by, like the whirlwind Alfie is. Yesterday I swear I was trying to work out a solution to ease the devil that witching hour is and today we just party through it with a biscuit in hand, a stroll outside in freezing temperatures until the birdies go to “nigh nighs” and a messy dinner, followed by a warm bath, fidgety breastfeed, a million books, then bed.
Sounds easy doesn’t it? Most days, I guess so. But it sure takes a while to work out what your baby wants, what makes him happy & ‘what will we do today to fill in the time.’ That part doesn’t even really matter actually, because before you know it, 6pm is approaching and then bang.. like clockwork you start your day all over again and the best part, no single day is the same… well for us anyway. Yesterday Alfie loved weetbix with milk for breakfast and today he only wants toast with butter (forget the vegie or jam or you will see it piffed across your kitchen floor, straight onto the new kitchen cabinetry).. This really happens you know. Also, one thing is for certain, the only time YOU get to yourself is when your head hits the pillow & you call it a night. Then, often you either find yourself wondering “are they okay sleeping in there? Ohhhh Shit, I forgot to book in his Maternal Child Health Visit!!” or even better “Fuck, I don’t think I have any nappies and no doubt he will wake up with a nice morning poo” – you see, even when you do get a second to yourself, everything revolves around them. Not intentionally, but that is just what happens.. no complaints though. FYI Huggies are a bit of a rip, Mama Mia naps do the trick just as well.
In 365 days, Alfie went from being a newborn with a beaming smile and little sleep to an active baby that rolled, then crawled, that slept (I can praise sleep school forever), that sat up all within a few weeks of each other. He cruises everywhere, stands up in the middle of the room like a meer cat unassisted and refuses to walk because why would you when you can crawl as fast as a cat runs. He has taught my partner and I more than we have learnt in our 3 decades of living and has also taught us to not sweat the small stuff…Really all that matters in this life is happiness and he sure has shown us the meaning of this.
He loves in abundance and welcomes anyone into his life that gives him the time of day. He won’t hesitate to blow a snot bubble in public and will also graciously wipe his peanut butter fingers all over your lovely white top. He wont apologise either (massive grub), so don’t expect it. He will probably just give you a huge wave right into your eye balls that makes your mascara run and ruin your make up full stop. He has more clothes changes and holes/stains in his clothes than any baby I have known (he gets around like a tiger in the wild..free play is best right??) and is also good at saying “TA” when he sees you with food a kilometre away.
Wow – see.. I could write for 3 years on the first year and I would only be one eleventh finished. As I write this now, I am tired & hungry (2 pretty standard parts of parenthood I would say and also the 2 words I repeat 3,455 times a day) but I wouldn’t change it. I wouldn’t change my early wake ups, my messy house and overflowing clothes basket. WE have fun.. we laugh.. he cries sometimes just because and I sometimes wish it was bedtime 11 hours in advance. I haven’t even touched on the other stuff.. you know the in depth colic, the hard nights, the long days, the momentous milestones, the baby kisses and goo gaas, but we all get it. Every baby is the best, every baby is the reason our pelvic floor feel a little relaxed (correct) and every baby brings us a mammoth amount of joy and love that we cant even describe or compare to one another. If you are reading this.. YOU are the BEST mum/dad. YOU deserve a medal for being you and YOU are the only one to tell what is best for your baby. Enjoy the everyday stuff (snotty noses, pooey nappies, random rashes & sleepless nights teething) because truth be told it doesn’t last forever, even though we all secretly wish it does (you totally do).
So, in short, motherhood is no doubt about it, 100% bittersweet. We applaud every new milestone they meet yet secretly weep inside that it is one less thing they need us for. In no time at all, Alfie didn’t need me to wrap him like a little parcel to feel safe and secure, instead he preferred to cuddle his peter rabbit and sleep with his bottom in the air, hands tucked under his tummy (just like his mumma does). He also didn’t need me to bring his books & toys to him anymore, he crawled to them always looking behind to see if I was watching him. I always was and I always will be. He has taught me all I needed to know about patience and brings true meaning to the saying “This too shall pass”.. Colic & Wind I am referring to you.. All in all… He has most definitely NOT changed my mind about wanting 500 babies.. he has in fact made me want a million clones of him and I cannot wait to see what the next few years will bring with Alfie & Co (No I am not pregnant…well yet).
The Midwife Mumma XXX