So you have brought your little bundle of joy home, there is no longer the safety of the midwives, the food delivered to your bed, or the flow of visitors pouring love onto you, your milk has come in, your breasts feel like blocks, hard and engorged and you realize holy fuck I have to keep this thing alive, I am responsible for this tiny little perfect being forever. FUCK!
THIS.IS.ALOT!
The sleep deprivation is kicking in and the adrenalin is wearing off, you are TIRED.
Bub is feeding on demand, which is taking 20-30 mins they then need to sleep, and it feels like there is very little time, to do much else – the house feels let go, cooking, what cooking? Uber eats is getting a workout, there is washing to do, and you may be feeling overwhelmed, baby blues forget that you just feel blue all over, between recovering from birthing this child, and breastfeeding you feel like the R.E.M song is playing continuously in your head ‘everybody hurts sometimes’ but at the same time, it is pure bliss, a love like no other, a feeling so strong that it brings tears to your eyes, as your heart is bursting every time you look at them, and don’t even get me started when you see your partner laying on the couch with the baby asleep on them OMG PURE JOY!... and then hello emotions, those bloody hormones! Tears again, and repeat….
In all seriousness though, it feels like a roller coaster, and being aware of how you are feeling is important, getting some sort of maintainable “routine “or things to focus on, will help.
So, what does it look like?
Awake and Alert – means ready to eat 30-60 mins awake time this includes feeding, burping between breasts, or halfway throughout the bottle, and after, a little ‘play ‘time may be as simple as tummy time on the mat, or on your chest and then it will time for another nap, newborns love a swaddle, it imitates the snugness of when they were in the womb, calms them and protects their startle reflex, if you are not swaddling you will need to put bubs arms in a sleeping bag, I love the love to dream butterfly arm ones. Calm in arms, they love the side or stomach position, on you before laying down in their cot or bassinet, on their back, Shush many fussy babies relax into a deep tranquil sleep with the sound of white noise, as this replicates the sound of blood flow in utero, keep in mind it’s a shush louder than a vacuum cleaner. I know right!! (We recommend between 50-60 decibels from mattress level this can be checked with a decibel meter reader app on your phone) and lastly sucking, babies love to suck to calm, whether that be feeding, or using a dummy (you all know I LOVE a dummy) These things are known as the 5 S’s by Harvey Karp – you know the guy that invented the snoo, but you don’t have to pay $2K to replicate the same things and get your newborn nice and calm and settled for good sleep.
So, it doesn’t leave for a lot of time, and you want to try and be kind to yourself, and let some things go, also surround yourself with your village and support. The people that will help build you up, and be there for you.
If you get family or friends offering to help, whether that be a meal, or coming over and folding your washing say yes, and enjoy it, they want to help, and you need it right now there is no shame in that!
If you are feeling down, and it has been more than a few weeks, acknowledge it, feel it, accept it and make an appointment with your GP, to talk about this, being aware and managing your mental health with all of the huge changes your body and yourself have gone through. If you are not coping, please know you’re not alone. This is nothing to feel ashamed about you should feel proud you are putting your mental wellbeing first.
There are so many challenges we face as we become mothers, our bodies go through 10 months of physical changes, and when bub arrives, we have to physically recover as well as learn how to breastfeed, and learn our babies, and parenting styles but there is so much more, from gender disappointment, yes this is real!! To bond with the baby, and also changes within our relationship THIS IS A BIG DEAL, it is no easy task!
As a new parent, we may find ourselves constantly putting the needs of others first – whilst our own needs and priorities can fall to the bottom of the list. Parenting is hard work. It is constant work. It is so easy to stop caring for yourself or to feel overwhelmed with the constant demands of a new baby.
It is important to remember though, that so that we can continue to provide for those who need and constantly depend on us, we need to take care of ourselves. When you stop caring for yourself, your ability to care for your child is impacted and your ability to enjoy motherhood is also impacted.
